I am sure it is quite normal postpartum to feel really gross and ugly- at least I hope it is.
I have been having a rough time feeling beautiful in my new body. Even though I was gaining weight while pregnant I felt beautiful because I was carrying life inside me! You hear stories of pregnant women feeling fat and gross but really I loved being pregnant and every time I see a pregnant woman I get a little jealous! It is the post pregnant nursing body that is bumming me out. I am constantly hungry so I am constantly eating. I leak breast milk so I always feel a little gross and sometimes smell faintly of yogurt or cheese. (You're welcome!) I don't get out much so many days I never get out of my PJs and my hair never gets brushed! I have a love hate relationship with my hair too. I like that it is fast to just spray water on it dry it in 10 seconds and I am done but sometimes I feel slightly manish. I have a nasty incision thats still not quite healed and it grosses me out. I have been telling myself all month that I hate my weight, I hate my hair, and I hate my body. Then I looked down at my cute little baby and thought I don't want her to ever feel that way or to judge herself so harshly, and I remembered the print I put in her bathroom.
"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." 1 Peter 3:3
So these are the words I want my daughter to hear and believe yet I don't even heed them. While I don't want to skew the words into saying I can be a fat slob I need to realize there is a lot of beauty in inward character that I should be a little more concerned about, especially now that I need to be a role model for my daughter. I want to be healthy and strong and I want to care about myself and not put so much emphasis on my hair, my clothes, or my weight.
The image I want for myself is to be a happy healthy Mom who believes what I teach Emma.
I dont want to be overly critical or use the word "hate" towards myself! I worked really hard pre pregnancy to lose 65 pounds and I didnt do it from a place of hate but from trying to love my body and treat it well.
I found an article online about reasons to love your postpartum body that I want to keep reading to myself in the hopes of loving my image again and getting to a healthy place mentally and physically with LOVE. This is from Nina of Modern Alternative Pregnancy: